Well it's not been five months yet, but it will be in a few days.
So five months smoke free without even a small puff of tobacco.
Have I finally done it?
I guess only time will tell. It's not the first time I've attempted to quite smoking. Though I must admit I've never had such a strong monetary motivation (smoke are so expensive and we have so little money), nor such strong moral motivation (preschoolers being so impressionable).
But I gotta say, I don't like it. I still like the idea of being a smoker. When I see people puffing away I don't think "yuck that's so nasty." I very quickly calculate the odds of me getting away with knocking them down and stealing their cigarette. I still have dreams in which I am smoking, the most memorable one being:
I am out at a club dancing and having a great time with some of my friends. I go out for numerous smoke brakes, but every time the pack of smokes is full. At the end of the evening I step out side and feel a little sad that it's over and time to head home. Then I remember that I was supposed to quit smoking. I am holding a full pack of smokes. I cannot take them home because if Andrew finds out I've been smoking I will get in big trouble, so in the infinite wisdom of dreams, I decide I will walk home (from down town) and I will smoke them all on the way.
After we quite, I was constatntly looking forward to Christmas eve, becuase there are always cigars. I got through the entire first month by thinking that I just need to wait until Christmas eve and then I can have a lovely cigar. So wouldn't you know, there were no cigars on Christmas eve. Our very considerate friends decided it wouldn't be wise seeing as we were just a month into quitting.
The way I'm getting through it now is thinking "well, it's not forvever, it's just until Ben moves out on his own, so another what? 18, 19 years?
I don't think I'll be able to go in for the whole "social smoking" thing, sounds just like "weekend smoking" to me. Some people say it works as long as you don't buy pack, but no one loves a mooch do they?
Anyhoo, I just wanted to let everyone know that Andrew and I are still goin strong!