Okay, so parenthood is really really challenging and requires some major life adjustment but it also give you the opportunity to say some really fantastic things with a straight face.......well, almost!
"Please don't put that ___ in your mouth it's not food." (crayon, car, truck, plastic pig, rock, etc.)
"Cheese is not for driving on honey."
"Cheese is not a toy, baby."
"No trucks at the table please."
"How many times to I have to ask you not to eat sand?!"
"Get that crayon out of your nose RIGHT NOW!"
"No honey, that's not a lady, you can tell by the beard."
"Cow's don't have a siren."
"No honey, that's part of the pig, it can't come off."
"Be gentle with your penis, trust me on this one."
"Mummy doesn't like it when you put sand down her pants."
"Daddy doesn't like it when you punch him in the face."
"Daddy doesn't like it when you step on his face."
"That's not a hat, please take it off you head." (half full bowl of oat meal, upside down of course)
"Don't squish the banana in your crotch please."
"Now how did that get in your diaper?" (You'd be really surprised at what we find in there.)
"Trust me, I'm a lot smarter than you and I know what I'm talking about." (This is my favorite).