Tuesday, April 19, 2011

One year ago today...........

Days on the calendar come and go marking events that would have been but weren't; days that don't mean anything to anyone except me. (I've one more of these coming up in May).
As much as I try to tough it out (Yeah it was the worst pain I ever felt in my life, yeah I almost died, and, yeah I lost a pregnancy, so what?) it still effects me. The loss of possibilities is probably the hardest part. As much as I want to say I'm well over it, the truth is I am not. I may never be. I guess it's not a matter of "getting over it" or "putting it behind me" as much as it is a matter of learning to live with it. It didn't kill me, so it must have made me stronger? I certainly don't feel stronger but who am I to judge? I do know this for sure, I have things in my life today that I did not have one year ago. People whom I love, and new skills I have acquired. I am grateful for the changes this year has brought, even as I mourn the losses. I am happy even though it hurts.
Scars and bruises on our souls make us who we are.
It's not good or bad, it just is what it is; Life.

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